Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that I am not writing this from some self righteous, never did anything wrong and never cheated on a woman pedestal; truth is, I’ve cheated in practically all of my relationships. I never even had the thought to be faithful until my current relationship. This may lead some to question my writing of this blog from that standpoint that I’ve just recently changed myself so who am I to make this bold assertion? I totally understand and respect anyone that is thinking that but the intent of this blog isn’t to condemn men that cheat; the purpose is to express my personal revelation and why it drove me to faithfulness.

From 1619-1895 African Americans were enslaved. During this time the white slave owners would come into married slaves rooms, take the wife to rape her and tell the husband “She better be good.” This is one of the ways they intentionally bruised the psyche of the black man and the black woman. It caused the woman to have a feeling that black men couldn’t protect her and the man to question if the woman might have been enjoying this sex with another man. While the matter was out of both parties control, this was the beginning of creating distrust between black men and black women that still exist today.

If the black man and black woman aren’t unified then the children won’t be unified and the race as a whole will stay subject to tyranny, racism and oppression. This division is one that drains the power out of our people because family structure is needed to build community structure. If we look around today, our communities are in shambles and I suggest to you that is because the families too are in shambles.

So how does any of this end up giving me some sort of revelation? I have big plans for the future of my life. Being as though I’m with a woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with, she became an integral part of these plans. I wrote a book called Broken Pillars on understanding men in relationships and she and I planned on doing workshops on this topic together, so she became a part of my brand.

I realized that a relationship is much more than love and sex; if you aspire to be anything great, your relationship/marriage becomes a business. So if I cheat on her, I run the risk of not just losing the woman I love but destroying my brand and future. This is even worse if you have children because if you separate and destroy the future you two were planning, it also destroys the future of the children.

Most of the things we as blacks cherish are not inheritable for our children. Our Gucci belts and red bottom shoes are worthless to our next generation. Learning this caused me to a forward thinker to what I will leave for future generations and what I want to leave will only be possible if my wife and I are on one accord. How then can we be on one accord if I’m jumping from bed to bed and ultimately causes her to leave me?

Now my revelation wasn’t limited to me just thinking about money. At 33 years old, 90{9c4894d8d84789fd9dbc6ac72b5d605407abbbce150dd0041f8be6ae2d1a6325} of my male friends were my friends since under the age of 10 and maybe half of them since babies. I love these men and would do anything for them but if the truth be told, I would never ride for them the way their women do. In almost every relationship I know of, the man’s woman is the most loyal person in their life. This has proved to be true in my relationship also.

My girl has been with me through thick and thin, ups and downs and had my back in situations I know my friends would not have been able to stick through. I would be lying through my teeth (or literally my fingers) if I said I never thought about or had the desire to cheat. What keeps me from following through is remembering how she has and is holding me down and knowing she doesn’t deserve for me to do her like that. For what she endures in life and still takes the time to make sure I’m good, she should not have to worry about me doing her dirty. If there is one person in her life that should be her peace, comfort and have her best interest in mind, it should be the man that she devotes her loyalty to: Me.

Through social media I befriended a barber named Toot @TootDaBarber. The videos and pictures of his haircuts made me want to let him cut my hair. I let him know how much I admired his cuts but I’ve never let him cut my hair because I can’t bring myself to go to a different barber since I’ve been going to the same one for 15 years. My loyalty to my barber won’t let me go to him, even if his haircuts look better.

Most men have loyalty to their barbers in this same fashion so why can’t we give it to the women in our lives? If we can be this way with a barber then we have the capacity to see a woman who looks better than ours and think “I like how she looks but my loyalty won’t let me touch her.” Fellas, if your woman has your back, she does not deserve for you to be unfaithful to her.

Ok Mitch, I understand you think it’s morally right to be faithful but why is it a necessity?

As black people, we are under extreme duress. There are countless systematic things  in place that are keeping us from progression and advancement as a race. In my opinion, the largest of them is creating broken families and the fact of the matter is, most of our broken families are the result of men cheating. Yes I know, I know, I know, women do things to mess up relationships too but men it’s time for us to step up and stop pointing the finger. Let’s look at what our actions are causing.

Children with no father in the home make up:

• 90{9c4894d8d84789fd9dbc6ac72b5d605407abbbce150dd0041f8be6ae2d1a6325} of homeless and runaway youths.
• 71{9c4894d8d84789fd9dbc6ac72b5d605407abbbce150dd0041f8be6ae2d1a6325} of children abducted.
• 80{9c4894d8d84789fd9dbc6ac72b5d605407abbbce150dd0041f8be6ae2d1a6325} of children in psychiatric wards.
• 70{9c4894d8d84789fd9dbc6ac72b5d605407abbbce150dd0041f8be6ae2d1a6325} of children in detention centers.
• 70{9c4894d8d84789fd9dbc6ac72b5d605407abbbce150dd0041f8be6ae2d1a6325} of teen pregnancies.

They are:

• 9 times more likely to be high school drop outs.
• 20 times more likely to be incarcerated.
• 2 times more likely to commit suicide.
• 10 times more likely to be on drugs.

Now I am not going to put all of this on men cheating but I know a lot of this is a direct result of men being unfaithful.  When we are unfaithful we break up our families. When our families are broken our children are pawns in a system that makes money off of imprisoning , medicating and working them for minimum wage.

Black men, it’s time we show our women that we are as loyal to them as they are to us. If we have their back like they do us, there is stopping us as a people. But as long as we do each other wrong, there is no hope for the future of our great race. We will forever be subject to the hash tag of the week. If we want to have a better quality of life, we have to learn how to be united and unity will always be broken where disloyalty exist.

I was always taught that all problems start at home, if this is true then all answers start there also. It might seem like I’m placing a lot of our societal racial problems on relationships but it’s not about relationships it’s about mindsets. If you can’t be loyal to the woman you love, there’s no way you can be loyal to a cause that sometimes might not help you directly. I believe if we have a mindset of loyalty in the home that it will spill out into our communities and create a positive reaction. The numbers we’ve looked at shows when we’re not unified, it has a negative reaction so what are we prepared to do?

I admit, that men being faithful will not erase all of our issues and that there are many other things we need to do as a people but it is my conviction that if the family has proper structure, that will be the beginning of fixing the other issues.

So Black men, we need you to be faithful. Maybe not all of it but a part of our future depends on it.